HUMAN
by tami3
Summary: She was human, too. She had a loving heart, and that was the most important part of her. But she was human. Which is why she would have been afraid of Sora and Riku even before everything. Even if they told her she didn't have to be. 8 Ends is up.
1. Touches

HUMAN

Her heart was twisting, turning this way and that like a parasite wringing itself into a pretzel because it wasn't sure which way was up or which end was its head. It was tapping her dry, testing her strength. It squeezed her until she gasped and had to put up her fingers to pinch the bridge of her nose to stop the tears from coming out, because that was how you stopped yourself from crying. It nipped at her insides and made her feel like vomiting sometimes, when it hit a sensitive spot. It would not stay still but hopped about without regard for the basic health needs of a skinny teenaged girl, who needed her internal organs to stay firmly in place.

All this, taking place within her chest. And that, in any case, was mostly flat and just starting to bud into breasts.

Sora. Riku. Sora. Riku. Sora. Riku.

She had to go back and forth like that all day.

He called her name sometimes, touched her carelessly like they were still children too innocent to be scared. Oh, but she knew he wasn't like that anymore and he was just being bad, because he was ninety percent sure that SHE still didn't know what he was capable of and meanwhile the wicked ten percent of him leftover knew otherwise, that she knew everything, even hoping she knew, and hoping that she was every bit as afraid as she should be.

She hated him for it. But he was older- what could she do about it? It was what people had to do once they were his age. Toe that haunting line between everything uncorrupt and passionless in this world, but to be a well-adjusted adolescent boy skip across once in a while. And that was why he hugged her, kissed her on her cheeks, took her hand when she jumped down from a rope ladder. That was why he touched her.

Because he was a boy. Because she was a girl. Because he was fifteen and he wouldn't have ever wanted her if she were not fourteen and a nervous giggler at his increasingly sexy voice and a blusher at his increasingly toned body. Because though she didn't understand yet he had a lot of fun teasing her inexperience and trying to draw out the make-believe adult in her.

Not to be dirty, because the parts of their bodies that touched never became more personal than what he minded coming into contact with Sora. Not because she was pretty, because even though she was cute, her blouse stuck to her ribs and lone pimples popped up on her chin once in a while. Not because his shirt stuck to take the shape of his pecs with him coming wet out of the water, or all the aqua green light tricks his eyes could do.

Not because he loved her.

A/N: More later... It is now 2:25 in the morning.Review please, I just want to know what everyone thinksso far. I'm counting on your insight!


	2. Smiles

HUMAN Part 2

From the time on when he hit puberty, he no longer smiled. He always had a very sweet smile, one that beamed a kind of friendship that was quiet and pleasant. It was a very little thing, but it made Sora break out in his big infectious grin, and everyone would start laughing and things were like that.

Just because of him, just because he had that way of setting things in motion that would rock warmth through his friends. It was a gift of his, a hinted leadership that put them all at ease.

Maybe she was the fist to notice. And maybe Sora never caught on. But he didn't smile anymore. He smirked. She didn't know when she figured it out, but she did, and it amazed her that no one got it beside her. She didn't hate it, she didn't like it. She didn't know what to make of it. She wanted to run up to him like they were little kids and poke at the strange lips as if she were trying to clear off a bit of sand or hair. See if there really was anything to it, the confidence, the cockiness, the subtle hostility…But she didn't dare.

Ahhhh Kairi! Selphie said.

They were sitting together at the dock and watching the boys on the island of palm trees, play-fighting. It was just her Kairi's favorite two, ones she called her best friends, but nicknamed by Selphie as Destiny Island's "Hottie" and "Cutie." It sounded bad to her, like gossip, but Selphie said how could it be when it was a compliment, and besides, because she'd grown up with two BOYS who were her closest friends, Kairi didn't get it.

As if that'd had perverted her mind so she'd never notice. Kairi felt like hitting Selphie or pushing into the dock when she had said that, because she was the one who spent all her days with those two. Selphie had better damned well believe she'd noticed, because it was… Sora and Riku.

Who had to say that she was getting prettier by the day when all she could do was say thanks and ok and wow you're getting taller all the time if they needed an answer. Never mind how their shoulders were getting broader, and their facial features angling out from cute to handsome. Because it was getting so hard to not care that she had to press hard on herself to keep not caring or else she'd slip.

Kairi, Kairi, are you listening? Selphie demanded.

Yes Selphie. I'm listening.

Oh Kairi, who are you looking at? I bet I know!

What, Selphie? Who?

Riku! Ohhhhh Kairi, Riku is so HOT, isn't he?

Kairi thinks that Selphie doesn't know what "hot" means. Selphie should just stop pretending she does.

Riku is my friend. She says.

I know! He's my friend too! But it's ok, Kairi, everyone can see it. Hey, hey, Kairi, guess what? I got Tidus and Wakka to admit it. I asked them 'isn't Riku hot?' and they were all like 'noooooo' but I said 'it's so obvious he is.' And I finally got them to say so! They said 'well, yeah he's better looking than us…but Selphie, you'd better not hope for anything, he likes Kairi!' Isn't that amazing?

It is, she thinks. Everyone's gone too crazy and she's the only one left that's worried.

But she says "It is."

Hey, hey, guess what else! I asked Sora that and he didn't even think about it, he just said 'yeah'. Haha Kairi, you'd better hope they're not gay!

Oh Selphie.

Lighten up, Kairi. Just saying.

Well, what about Sora?

What about him?

He's… um… don't you think he's hot too?

Selphie looks out and squints her eyes like she has to think about it or get a really good look at him to know.

Sora has brown hair. Selphie says.

What?

Selphie shakes her head.

Sora is nice. She says. But he's not special.

So what?

Selphie points to Riku, all silvery in the sunlight.

You see. Selphie says. Being with someone like that makes you special too.

_A/N: It's not really meant to be depressing, Kairi is just thinking…She's just thinking.More later, review. 10 minutes late for work!__Sorry for any typing mistakes!_


	3. Hurts

HUMAN

ACK!

Selphie looks up from fastening her sandal strap.

What the hell? Kairi, is someone hurt? She asks, her hand drooping. Kairi doesn't answer but tries to rescue Selphie's shoe, but too late, it splashes into the water.

She jumps down to get it for Selphie just as Sora comes running up. He's screaming.

Kairi! Ow ow ow, Kairi help!

Omigod! Selphie shrieks.

On no. Kairi moans. Sora. Sora. Come here Sora. Sora!

Riku splashes noisily through the water his gloved hand stretched out.

Oh God. God. Sora! I'm so sorry, Sora are you ok? I didn't mean it-Sora stop screaming- did I really hurt you?

No! Now Kairi's screaming, she's so confused. Don't you touch him, Riku. She slaps his hand away. Don't you touch Sora, you can't do anything.

Selphie stares at her, mouth open. Kairi, he's only trying to help, she says, but that doesn't matter because Sora's still screaming and they only catch her words for a second.

He's bleeding like a stuck pig, from where they can't tell very well because his entire face is streaming with blood, pink from seawater.

What happened? Selphie demanded.

Riku is giving Kairi a very cloudy look. You…. He begins. But he changes his mind and answers Selphie instead.

He missed a block, Riku explains apologetically.

Riku, why you lying, yah? Wakka comes up, his face stormy and his eyes flashing. I saw you, Riku. Sora called time out. You hit him when he had his back to you. What, you trying to kill your own best friend?

Chill, Wakka. Tidus says. He comes jumping down from the palm trees, where he'd sat above watching too interested in Riku and Sora's play-fight on the Papou island, but not interested in having to do girl-talk with Selphie and Kairi.

I saw it too he insists. Riku swung right before Sora called time out. A total accident.

Tidus goes to Sora and pries his wet fingers away from his face. Let me see, he says. Sora is holding his left eye which is dripping. His mouth is open and he is not screaming anymore but biting his lip and when he needs to breathe he takes ragged gasps.

He had his back turned! Wakka yells. He turns on Riku and looks ready to punch him, even though Riku looks bewildered and is taking a step back which scares Kairi too because Riku normally just looks down on Wakka because of their height difference.

Not because he was stuck up. Riku was just tall, she knew that he never played those type of games with the guys, it was just with her. She was kind of glad of that, she had a very isolated soap opera going on.

Wakka, back off! It was an accident! Tidu's voice is sharp.

Like hell it was!

KNOCK IT OFF! Sora lets go of his face and is up like a shot, wrenching Wakka and Riku away from each other so Wakka falls backward into a tree trunk and Riku careens into the water. Sora's eye is screwed shut and looks puffy, purplish in some parts and red in others. He's breathing hard and his undamaged eye is watering.

Sora. Oh Sora. Kairi says. Her face is wet too.

What?

…. She doesn't know what to say to something that isn't Kairi Oh Kairi back.

Kairi, what?

…She's so embarrassed.

Uh. That salt must be killing you! We need some drinking water to wash off your face!

It's so stupid she doesn't even feel bad when everyone stares at her like she's an idiot. An idiot interrupting some heavy drama.

Sora, I'm sorry. Really. Riku says.

Kairi looks and for the first time she realizes Riku is still holding the sword he got Sora with. It's broken. The top half is missing, the end splintered. She quickly twists her head and there they are, sharp slivers of wood in Sora's plain brown bangs and stuck in his skin, all around the swollen bloody bruise. His eye.

She starts crying for real. Sora. She hates how she's crying, not even Sora's crying for real. Sora, she cries.

Kairi, what is it already? Is something wrong?

Selphie's eyes light up and her eyebrows rise. Sora, she's just upset you're hurt. She says like she's trying not to smile.

Tidus and Wakka look at Selphie, suspicious. So they don't see how Kairi is shooting Riku a very bitter look while she stuffs her face into her fists.

Riku. She says. And Riku looks at her.

Kairi, I'm sorry.

Sora. She says.

He takes it wrong and says swiftly, I know, it's Sora I should be apologizing to and I… I really… but I mean I want to apologize to you, too.

Sora's laughing now and says What a bad sword Riku, it broke right on me.

Stupid! Wakka scolds. Don't joke, can you even see anymore from that eye?

Sora shrugs and lifts his fingers to pry open his eyelid-he can't open it normally.

Don't Riku suddenly cuts in, running over. He pulls Sora's hand away from his face and holds his wrists. You open it now and you'll get wood in your eye. If you're not blind now you might blind yourself.

Yeah, Wakka says sarcastically. So says the guy who blinded him.

Kairi was watching intently and after watching Riku so intently already for so long she was expert enough to know what was going to happen moments before anyone else knew.

First Riku's face crumpled up like it never had before, then it melted with a smooth fluidity, shared by the swing of Riku's hand.

He slapped Wakka hard in the face.

Wakka fell over, and there was an unsteady high-pitched laugh from Tidus, who clearly had no idea what to do.

You bastard. You fucking bastard. Riku says, looking down at Wakka-really looking down, as if he wanted to spit on Wakka's sprawled form. Sora is looking too, and Riku is still holding him by the wrists.

Riku! Selphie cries, but Riku isn't listening, he's still looking at Wakka.

Sora is my best friend. I would never hurt any of my friends on purpose. Ever. Sora's my BEST FRIEND. Wakka-

Sora sinks his nails into Riku's skin to get his attention.

Riku, shut up. They know, I know. It's ok I'm ok.

The boys don't bother with slapping most of the time Kairi thinks. They just hit each other. Riku must be really pissed.

Sora looks pityingly at Wakka the best he can with his eye

Shit, man. Thanks for sticking up for me, but Riku…Sorry, you deserved that. I gotta go home, get my mom to look at this…

The wound is huge now, it's stopped bleeding, but Kairi thinks the bump of the bruise has eaten up the bump of his eyeball. Meanwhile Wakka's cheek is pinker than sunburn and his mouth has dropped open.

Wait, Sora. I'll come with you. Riku takes a few quick steps to catch up to Sora heading home. What if you can't see the path? What if you start bleeding again? He asks. Hold up, I'll come with.

Selphie looks mournful. But Riku she says. Can you face Sora's mom and tell her you did that?

Riku nods. Yeah, I want her to know he says and Sora grins feebly.

They head off together, walking side by side and not speaking. When are already small on the horizon, Kairi saw Sora lift his arm and loop it around Riku's shoulders.

Kairi just watches, her lip quivering

A/N : Is this no quotation stuff starting to get irritating? What about this stream of consciousness style? If so please tell me and I'll try to fix it. Yes this was a long chapter, and it might have gone back to depressing… sorry… but review anyway.  I am planning to continue…Incidentally, I feel I should mention my brother's name is Kai.


	4. Spites

HUMAN

A/N: I want to keep the style consistent, actually… I'm sorry if it's irritating, but I'm gonna keep up the no quotations thing till the end. (This was an experiment inspired by As I Lay Dying and Angela's Ashes, after all.) I'll try to keep dialogue to a minimum, then, as a means of "fixing" it. Edit: This is not a mandatory chapter, it sidetracks. Skip to Chapter 5, "Fears" you just want to get to the Sora- Kairi-Riku stuff.

Poor Sora.

Sora. She'd always liked his name. And today there'd been enough chaos. She didn't want to think about confusion. Think of caution, love, warnings, her body so small and his body so perfect, screaming about your best friend's eye, crying over splinters, or when fighting for play might have become fighting for real. So she doesn't think of any of those things.

So she doesn't think of Riku.

She couldn't stand Selphie's suggestive winks at the mention of Sora's name or her angelic pity at the mention of Riku's, because naturally they'd all gotten together afterwards except those two to talk about it.

She could understand it, the way Selphie acted like Sora was the sun moon and stars in the sky to Kairi but Kairi couldn't see it so Selphie sighed romantically for her instead, at every mention of his name. Every single mention. And how she put up a dejected hand to her cheek at Riku this or Riku that like he was already the more obvious catch let go because someone else sweeter came along. That too, Kairi understood.

But it made her hot with anger and slightly sick every time Selphie did it. She understood why Selphie had to fantasize and categorize and get hung up on all this love that was being directed and Kairi and not her, but she hated it far more than even Riku's so-so innocent touches. And the tension between Tidus and Wakka now, who were best friends like Sora and Riku but were now gritting their teeth at each other.

She understood it all, how Selphie was both spiteful and sweet, how she was jealous of the boy's eyes on Kairi but either didn't see that herself or saw it and tried not to care. Which was why she tried to help instead of sabotage, because she was Selphie, the island's most energetic, eager girl who didn't let problems drag her down enough to stop helping others.

What she probably didn't understand that this was one area that she couldn't stop herself from getting bitter, especially since it was too nauseously pathetic for her to even try to notice it. Selphie understands Riku is hot. Sora is cute. And instead of letting herself have these thoughts for herself, she pushes them at Kairi, who took them reluctantly because what can Selphie do with those thoughts herself except hurt herself? But it's still wrong.

Love and romance blurs everything, Kairi thinks, and she knows its most unfair not for her but Selphie, who is a spot of sunshine who shone without a fear until their thoughts put a damper on her innocence. It's something she hates, because Selphie should be allowed to be a spirit of joy who tries to fix real problems instead of wasting all her sweetness and kindness on something so pointless because Kairi really can't appreciate it.

So she walked away, wanting to be by herself and her shameful analyzing of her friends, into an emptier stretch of beach.

But Sora. She wanted to think about Sora.

Sora was her unconditional joy. That was why she was headed to the Secret Place, the place of her and Sora.

A/N: I am going to refer to this as my cop-out chapter. BECAUSE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT SORA AND NOW ITS ABOUT SELPHIE! I'm sorry if people didn't enjoy it as much because it's not about Kairi and the guys, but it does explain how Selphie acts. I had a blackout for two days, so sorry this is late… But to make up for Selphie and lateness, the next chapter is going to be about Sora for sure and I'm writing it today and putting it up tomorrow! Edit: Ok, I like this but it's got little to do with the real fic. So it is now called a sidestory. :-)


	5. Fears

HUMAN

Kairi. Sora says that one in a while, and they just smile, because Kairi always says yes? instead of what, because it is the most natural thing for him to say her name. There is no hidden meaning, no ulterior motive, no anything except just Sora wanting to get her attention for a moment's thing and that's definitely not very much to ask for. So she gives it to him.

It's been like that ever since they were little. She loves it. It makes her feel safe on the inside. Like it's ok. It's just Sora and he's just your friend who will always be just someone asking for a moment's attention and not a future. Kairi doesn't want to compare, but she thinks; he is not like Riku. Riku, who she feels sorry for because they're both growing up together and he thinks that is who she is. He is sure the girl who was once a child the same time he was a child is now trying to become something else to his something else.

It is rotten of her to let him think that she is ready to trade worlds the same time he is. Not necessarily because she wants to be with him that way, but because she doesn't want him to have to do it alone. But no, she would never do that. Not so long as she has her security and simple questions with Sora on the other side of her.

Kairi, will you come with me? To someplace new?

If it were Sora, she'd say of course.

She is afraid for Sora. He is last one left of their once invincible three who has not succumbed to this uneasiness of hormones or emotions, touches that are scary and nice instead of just nice, and when you cry you don't cry about the one thing at hand but pull up things from the past still able to hurt you when you thought were done with them. Sora is not complex like that yet.

He takes Kairi's hand in one of his and waves to Riku with the other, not ever thinking how that might destroy a friendship or how that might cloud the very fragile happy expression on Riku's face.

But Riku knows about Sora too, which is why he has not bothered to tell Sora to leave Kairi to him when it comes to holding hands. Because he knows it's still the same for Sora and Kairi, who are children to each other. To him, Sora is ok. He is safe.

He still wants to be children with Sora because then they can hit each other with wooden swords and not be at all concerned about a girl who always watches them, and think she's comparing. Sora is more fun as a child.

Sora is the same way for Riku the way he is with Kairi. Riku will protect his relationship with Sora as a very simple thing of wanting to be together and not needing any further explanation.

Sora is special that way.

Kairi is afraid for the day that Riku will run out of patience seeing her and Sora as children, or the day Sora will begin to play this little game too. But because Sora is Sora, who makes you deathly afraid of the day you can no longer call him your friend. She hopes that everyone will make an exception and let him be his self of lighting up other people's worlds.

Riku. Kairi. Sora.

It was ordered like that suddenly, from less naïve to most.

Sora. Because of him, maybe she doesn't just want this children's safety anymore.

Because he is special and she has always seen that and doesn't need to think about it.

Because she's always been moved by the intensity of his blue eyes, maybe not beautiful like a startling aqua-ocean color but always willing to watch sunsets with her instead of asking to look at each other's physical form, eyes, face, torso, or otherwise. Because he'd want to stay with her forever and not ask for anything other than that, but the simple fact of that wants her to make him ask for more. Because he stands right in front her with a fierce honesty that tells her to trust herself and never fear the sideways reality of Riku, Selphie, Wakka or Tidus. Because he is here, and she can walk straight so long as she can still see him.

Because of that, because she has never been afraid of him, she is consumed by how grateful she is of not having to be afraid of him.

Because of that, she is more afraid than ever.

The Sora who she feels is so important to hold on to, but she already knows she wants to move it to something else. Because she is so stupid she can't even get herself to try harder to hold onto what is so much more than what her maturing mind desires.

She knows what her heart is calling for is so much more important, Sora as her always source of the guy who could kiss her and say what's the big deal and mean it and somehow get her to feel the same way.

Sora with the smile that would stick with him and never fade away because he must be saving it, not for any real reason other than he knows vaguely that it's for her sake.

Today he hurt his eye. They'd all been hurt like that before, it's part of childhood. They hurt each other and they hurt themselves, playing and falling and hitting. But now it was like everyone could sense that if something happened to Kairi, Sora, or Riku-just one of them- all of three of them were involved and it meant much more than it had to.

Kairi has been walking to calm down after the fight, but she's reached the secret place and she looks up at the waterfall door between her and all those pictures she and Sora drew.

She says, Sora.

She thinks of how she is suddenly attracted by a friend against her will. How she keeps herself dodging by her that stubborn love from friendship, either struggling to survive or already dead. How she hates it.

Sora she sighs. Will I corrupt you too?

A/N: I decided to make chapter four a sidestory. So consider this the official update. I also decided to keep up the no quotes because that was one of the big reasons I started writing this. Strange, eh? But I'll try to reduce dialogue and make the whole thing a lot less confusing. (The third chapter was the worst because there were so many people talking.) Thanks for all the reviews, it's very encouraging! Keep reviewing, this is one of those things where I'm relying on opinion a lot. Like what Kairi(the reviewer) said about Sora. :-)


	6. Dreams

HUMAN

Kairi walks down the tunnel that leads into the big open cave that was her playroom as a child. She puts her hand on the walls, feeling the scratches that mean drawings.

This was the first thing Sora ever gave her. Maybe he didn't think of it as a present, but one day she was bored and moody so he said I know let's go to the Secret Place, shh don't tell anyone else. They'd only been children, but it'd made her heart ache all the same. Not a happy ache, but a wish-for ache. Even though she's never known why.

Maybe she'd decide that why soon. Kairi frowns.

But she'd understood this for a long time now, that the Secret Place does not have the limits of time. Whatever took place here is still the present, and it has a hold on the future. You could look at the past again and if you didn't like it, give yourself a redo. It is a place of hopes and landmark events, where you remember lost dreams, voices ask you to become yourself, and hold out hands to someone who isn't so far away.

She doesn't understand why it's such a big dreamy mess when only she and Sora know about it, and they're not that deep anyways. But she feels it. She knows it. It doesn't freak her out, it's like questioning why the sky is blue or the grass green. After a while she got used to it.

She turns a corner and cries out.

Someone is already here. He is in her favorite spot, his hands placed flat on the wall as he looks at one of the cave pictures. His face is almost touching the stone.

Riku, you scared me.

Why? You barged in on me.

His tone catches her attention. A tingle of warmth-the kind that she feels with Sora, the simple safe kind-runs through her.

Riku?

What?

She flinches at a few things. He said that taboo word, what, but that's ok because she never expected that special thing between her and Sora to come up between them anyways. And his voice has gotten a bit deeper too, the cave makes it louder than it would have been if they were outside.

But her heart soars and a she feels a big smile on her face; as soon as she sees Sora again she'd stop short and hug him hard. She'd thank him.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And while's he's asking why she'd say nothing and just shake her head, smiling.

Because today Sora gave her a miracle.

Today, in the Secret Place, Riku is standoffish, too proud to apologize, but actually a little sorry so he uses rudeness to come off completely not sorry.

He's no longer the island "Hottie," and no longer the teen heartthrob who'd have a suggestive or clever comeback to anything you could throw at him.

He is Riku, who has a lot of problems, but none of them about girls.

Kairi, go away. You're annoying.

She laughs. She could hit him if she wanted. A real hit not like an oh you so charming kind of hit. A straightforward hit like the shut your stupid mouth kind to the back of his silvery head. And he'd say ow and glare because guys don't hit girls back but at least it wouldn't be him smiling with an OK and a sorry he doesn't mean or care about.

What's so funny?

A lot. A whole lot, Riku, you have no idea.

I don't think anything's funny. Riku says stubbornly, his nose still planted on the picture.

Well, I don't think I can tell you.

How could she? The months of anxiety. Alarm bells in her head, balancing faith in the everything will be alright end and caution for it only takes a moment to lose everything. No. You didn't push your luck on miracles.

I don't believe it Riku says. It sounds like it's being forced out through clenched teeth.

Believe what?

You're even MORE annoying than I thought was humanly possible.

That's a bit much. It's enough to worry her.

Riku? What's wrong? Are you ok?

No.

Why?

She watches him be unmoving and silent for a few moments. Than he says, perfectly audible and sounding like the usual devil-may-care Riku:

I suck.

She stares. He goes on.

It's not a big deal being me, Kairi. If anyone ever tells you you're special, don't you ever start to believe it. It'll just wreck you.

She's uneasy. After so long of seeing Riku as not special, too normal in that normal for someone sexy and talented and smart and with many layers, she doesn't want to jump in and protest. On the other hand, how could someone who just said something like that not be special?

So she says I don't understand.

All this time Riku's been kneeling to be at eye-level with whatever he's looking at, but now he sits back on his feet like he's settling down for a talk. Or a long long time of looking up at the picture that's too dim in the faint light for Kairi to make out unless she walked right up to it. She doesn't feel like doing that.

I thought you understood. Riku's voice is clipped, serious in that way that transcends age or generation or maturity and means listen to me.

She shakes her head. I don't. I don't. She isn't sure if she said it aloud or not.

I thought… I thought … I thought you wouldn't panic. I thought you wouldn't be afraid of change. Because you are change. You're the reason things are this way. Riku says to her. He's almost mumbling.

You're blaming me? For not wanting… not wanting… THIS?

That hurts her. Than really, really hurts her.

He says, Because Kairi, you're our shooting star that means we can hope for better things if we want to. Make a wish to have something more than what you already have,a fantasy on top of a life. You were my _dream_ Kairi.

This is getting scary. It's scary. He's wording it strangely, but he said it and she doesn't want to be his fantasy.

I'm going, Riku. Don't say stuff like that. I don't want to hear it. Her words are high, and she takes a step back.

Damnit, Kairi. You know what, I didn't mean it that way, but it's true that some of this is your fault. You don't give me any credit anymore beyonda sex-starved teenager. That's not fair. That's... I mean, I knew there was some...stuff...going on, but I tried to never let it be me. I tried, Kairi.

I know. She says immediately, becauseeven thought shedidn't know about himknowingshe's desperate to let him know she never thought thatthat was all he was.Not completely. Riku had always been her smile-spreader and defiant guard , somewhere deep in her memories-it just got covered in the clutter of this mess.

Never mind. What I meant, Kairi, was that when you came to our island that night with the star shower, everything changed. For everyone. Haven't I told you? I started thinking about a world outside Destiny Islands because of you. I didn't care before, because this is a nice place and all… but… well, when I met you, I thought- if you're what's outside our world, then it can't be so bad. I started thinking… then hoping… then planning for the day I'd leave and see more than just what people call a paradise you'd never want to leave. That's why you're special to me. My dreams came from you.

Her lips part and she wants so badly to say something. It's painful, how much she needs to answer that. But she can't. It's shocking to hear, and it makes her heart ache. Not in a good way. How could she have…misunderstood? Why the suffering?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's Riku talking. The fast way he's snapping out those words, it's his way of crying. Because Riku doesn't cry, not even when he feels hate or fear coming from every side.

He turns around. His lovely greenish eyes are slits and his mouth's a scowl like he's angry but he's always like that when he's miserable. His arms hold his shoulders as he pulls up his knees. His words are soft.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

A/N: There, that's a good place to stop… Actually, all this stuff wasn't supposed to be in there, it snuck up on me. Riku made a tad too surprising of a complete 180 here but it'll be explained completely in the next chapter. Which was supposed to be this chapter but whatever, it would have been like twice as long… Which is why I guess this is like my second "Selphie" incident, but it goes with the story. Is it kinda cryptic?...It was supposed to be calledsomething else,but now it's "Dreams" because it sounds nicer... and its a tribute to what I'm doing right now.This was supposed to be the second to last chapter, but now I'm forced to do 2 more… at least…I guess you could call this part one of the climax… Please drop a review. :-)


	7. Likes

HUMAN

Once long ago two people met. One was all sun and chatter and a baby face with blue eyes, your typical Island Boy who pouted for treats and begged for playtime. The other was your difficult problem child, who seemed bright but did not talk, and let the other children run past him, unafraid of being left behind. One day of them all running past the older boy, Sora ran straight into Riku and they both fell down. They both picked up their dizzy heads and looked at each other that curious way children always are with everything. Sora smiled the stranger, beach sand on half on his round face. The stray only blinked back at first, but then gave a tiny and shy smile back.

That late afternoon, he remembered, was when someone finally asked what his name was.

This is what Riku remembers. This is what he remembers while he is sitting across from Kairi's tiny body clutching the side of the cave door wall, looking dimly beautiful in the darkness but more afraid and ready to run. If she does, he will never forgive her. He wouldn't blame her. But he's done everything right, it seems, and it will never be enough for the two of them.

She will likely always uncomfortable and miserable while bravely keeping at bay how indifferent she really is to the idea of them getting closer

He will always keep asking and asking himself what's wrong now and if it's impossible for me to fix it, why should I even try? but I want to try I have to put an end to this.

They're both very brave people. They would never tell each other the whys of I hate this, which is a lot like hating you, or the I wishes' of loving you or at least I could learn to starting with some good part of you. But that's why we're here Riku thinks. Because we will always be our strong selves of knowing things are OK if we just looked at the bright side, but on the inside we will always feel like complaining.

His hands touch the wall behind him…

Kairi looks at him and she feels something click inside of her. Riku says he's sorry but she should be saying sorry too. Because she expected too much of their champion swordsman who holds back from hurting the other boys in practice. Who might be the best-looking guy this island has ever seen but has never lost his or taken someone else's virginity. He's the best of everything and is rightfully confident, but those that knew never could call him arrogant or greedy.

Somewhere along the line, on top of him being all around too-good-to-be-true, she'd forgotten to love how he could be so much worse than he was but didn't want to be and so wasn't. She'd never thought about it that way.

Don't be special. Special like him, worthy of worship but seeming so fake when asking people not to. Because maybe he believed he was worth it, people kept telling him so. It felt so nice, to be worshipped. It was so easy, to want to believe you deserved it. That it was an obligation maybe, to be perfect because people were interested in how possible it was and maybe you were the closest so maybe if you could only rely on yourself to get it finally done. It was surprising how'd they'd just all let him do that. Wasn't it obvious that it wasn't possible to be naturally perfect?

Poor Riku, then.

She'd assumed he could handle being human too. She'd silently hated some things about him, and if you hated someone when they were doing everything as perfectly as possible, what would stop them from finally seeing how stupid being good was? could hurt, rape, let himself find a callously enjoyable life. And if people hated him for it, so what? They'd hated him when he was nice too.

I like you Kairi. I really, really like you.

That's so unfair of him.

Do you want to say something to that? He asks her coldly when she's quiet for too long.

No, she doesn't.

Fine. I didn't think you would. Come here, Kairi.

Why? She asks.

Because I'm asking you to.

She crosses and sits down next to him, his hands around his knees, his chin to his knees. There is the urge to hug him, but it feels so artificial. They sit there, side by side, and say nothing. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair.

Kairi says softly; I'm sorry you feel bad about this Riku. I'm sorry I misjudged you. She finally gets all of her sorrys' out. Sorry, but I wasn't prepared for this, give me some time to get used to this. I'm sorry, I just don't know yet.

She can't stand it, she simplifies it to everything it is but only barely. She could give him everything he deserves, as her friend, Riku, and the person who just said he liked her.

Sora, oh Sora, what can I do she wonders. I like YOU. I don't really, really like you, but I do like you.

Because you can change and know who you are. You can control yourself… or maybe you're not the type that's wild enough to be need to be controlled. Because before you even care about any of that, you'd just want to be happy the same time I am. Because you'd never blind a friend and tell a girl you liked her in the same day, or get caught up in being intense and frightening and pushing yourself to the breaking point. Because right now when I should be so frightened of Riku I'm calm thinking of you, because you were great today being there for Riku when I'm just here wishing I didn't have to be. Because I've loved you ever since I was little and if I ever need to be saved I'd want it to be you even if someone else could do a better job.

She has all this of Sora and still. She doesn't really, really like him.

That's why it's out of her reach, what Riku wants from her. It doesn't seem worth it enough. Not for him. For herself, she has no idea.

Do you like Sora?

Kairi is a bit stronger now. So she says what she knows, eyes straight forward.

I don't know.

There is a long moment of silence. Somewhere water is dripping and it can be heard through the whole cave. Riku puts his face into his knees so his hair falls everywhere.

That's not fair, Kairi. That's really not fair.

She turns her head to him. If they were younger, she might have kissed him. And if she tried to understand Riku a little better, she might have smiled and said don't bother, I'm not that special. If only. But now isn't exactly a time for that, her conscience, heart, and mind are all so disconnected from each other. But they are all looking out for her, and they all said don't give Riku anything that'll come back to hurt him twice as much. So she sits in silence, listening to him.

It's all she can give him.

What did you expect me to do! What were you expecting, everyone calls me by that stupid name…sexy or hot or whatever… I don't have what Sora has. That's obvious. But I like you! I can't help it, my mind wants to hug and kiss you just because I want you to know I care, but I can't just pretend my body doesn't exist! Boys are like this, when they like a girl they want to-

No, Riku. Kairi shakes her head. It's not really like that between us.

Not yet.

Girls are like this too. Kairi tells him quietly, looking at her feet and her hands in fists beside her. We're afraid of what boys want. Maybe we want it too, but it's hard to be sure. So we blame the guy no matter what. It's hard for them to take the blame, but it's even harder to live with regrets when you knew something was going to happen, and you let it happen. Even if you thought you wanted it too.

She looks a him again, and this time their eyes lock. Her face is firm, set like she's decided to take care of him too.

That's why, Riku. I'm not going to let anything happen. She's sure.

Not yet

Riku snorts. He stands

Something's already happening he says.

No, it's not! Kairi snaps back.

Sora… he makes you feel like… everything's going to be alright, right? Riku turns his back to her, back to that part of the wall he is obsessive over. He runs his hands over it. It's the same with me…

Sora. He mutters. He doesn't let stuff get to him. Just being around him is a stress-reliever… But something's been going on, Kairi. For a long, long time.

He moves out of the way so that she can see. It's Kairi's favorite picture, she realizes with a sharp jolt, of her and Sora facing each other and smiling. They each drew the other.

Damnit. Damnit. Damnit all.

Riku. She says slowly. We drew those when we were kids. I don't know if it means anything. I think Sora must have forgotten about it.

No. Riku is adamant, but smiling. I'm surprised I've never seen this before. I'm here all the time, you know.

Really? Kairi comments, mildly surprised. Well, maybe Sora had never specifically said, but…

You thought only you and Sora knew about this, right? Yeah, I know, I did too… Sora said it was our secret. But more importantly, do you know what this means, Kairi?

What?

Sora only feels about you the same way he does with me.

Oh. Well, that wasn't so bad.

Why? Riku's completely focused on the simple etching. Why do I feel like I'm losing both of you? You and Sora?

Kairi knows what he's thinking, but she skips saying it out loud. If they both knew, there was no reason to rub it in.

Because, Riku, you might have never had either of them. They belonged with each other.

She gently holds out her hand, wanting to him pull him down into sitting next to her. But he grabs it and carefully arranges his fingers so they weave together with hers.

Kairi, can't you try to trust me? Can't you try to feel safe holding my hand?

She smiles.

She can't.

A/N: I really don't like this chapter, but I'm feeling antsy so near the end. I feel like I've left out something important. I'm also sorry about the huge number if typos in the last chapter, I'm not sure what happened when I was doing some minor edits in the document manager... and the lateness. Because I've started my summer job.Sigh, r&r…


	8. Ends

HUMAN

It's strange. In a way Kairi gave Riku everything he wanted. She played his game in her own way of quiet anxiety and platonic devotion. He gave her his invincibility, so she kept hitting him with soft disappointments of avoiding his eyes and smiles that were only uncertain at best, because she knew it couldn't bother him.

What she first believed was that Riku was just like the rest of them, all angst and weakness and the odd strength in desperate times. But he didn't carry himself that way. He was all ambition and adventure and to hell with everyone else saying you're crazy. He stood defiantly before all of them so firmly that he could have eaten up the power of the sun. But in those godforsaken moments of them being stunned senseless at Riku, somehow they hadn't noticed that he wasn't moving. He was stuck. He was trapped. He was on the edge. He was getting tired. He was going to fall.

He'd fooled them all. He'd convinced Kairi that he wasn't human, that he didn't bleed the same blood, cry the same tears, or hurt from the same pain. But if she told him that he'd just laugh. Because it was true. Who cared that he was human, he'd say, bleeding her blood or whatever, because he'd never give anyone the opportunity to give him that cut. He'd be smart enough to get out of the way. And if she'd say that he was just running away, he would shrug and say then fine you stay and heal.

Because he was like that, impossibly confident in his own ability to break the rules set for other people. Which included bleeding, crying, and hurting.

Kairi wishes that he would value his own humanity more. But she'd probably do it ridden with tears and snot and furious at herself for not setting a better example, so even she wouldn't be moved by his predictable answer of why would I want to be human if I'd have to go through all of that?

And she wouldn't be able to counter it at all. Because she hated it too.

But for all of his apathy towards his fragile core, he still had it. For now. Although for the longest time everyone called his bluff said well OK maybe Riku is better than all of that, he'd carefully balled it up as small as possible inside himself. That's why he could poke Kairi with his troublesome touches and words and gestures, well aware that that would just make her poke back with silence, mixed messages, and shrugs. He thought she'd never be able to make a direct hit at that small of a target. He had his weakness, but he was working on it, and in the meantime he was proud that he had already gotten rid of as much as he did.

She kept going and going daring him to finally admit that he was just hurting himself, but somehow she must have broken him when she meant to stop at the last minute. Or she was awfully close and that was why he was finally alarmed, drawing back to regroup.

Why did love feel like a war?

I miss it too.

Riku's saying something but she's a little distracted worrying over him, so she just nods.

Kairi, is it OK if we talk a bit about Sora?

He doesn't need her permission to talk about anything.

I can't help it. He mumbles. I don't try to feel this way. And I don't think it's a big deal either, it's just sorta there… but… it's like… I don't know, a little lonely. Like he's not there for me anymore. Ugh, that sounds stupid… um wait, I think I can put it better.

We both love you, though. Kairi says suddenly. Do you understand that, Riku? Do you know that right now? We both love you so much. I love you.

He's not listening to her, though.

I guess it's like… he says slowly. We've been friends for so long, if I looked at him I knew I could find myself inside him. And it'd be the same for him. Like at one point I decided I wanted part of myself to live inside him, and he wanted the same. And we'd kept those parts alive because we were important to each other… Um, does this make any sense to you Kairi?

Oh yes. God yes. But she just nods.

Maybe Riku doesn't care how at how empty a nod can be, so he keeps going. I don't want it to sound this fruity, I really don't. But it's how it was… And now when I'm with Sora, I really don't know if I'm there anymore. But the hard part is I can't figure out if it's because he doesn't want me there anymore, or if it's because I don't want to be there anymore.

She doesn't know what to say. She detests it, but she can't control how she's barely thinking about Riku at all as soon as Sora's name is mentioned. Focus she tells herself.

I wish I were inside Sora! Her mind prattles. It's not fair, why is Riku so much closer to him? Well, now that Riku's out, maybe I can move in! It's not so terrible, Sora's special that way-

She's so horrible she almost wants to cry.

Focus!

Sora loves you. She whispers, her throat dry. She wishes she could manage that one more, integral bit of Kairi loves you too. But it feels too exposed.

Riku stares at her. I guess… he says in a low voice, running his finger along the sand of the cave floor. Then he sighs and adds; Or, rather, I know. Knew. As in you don't have to tell me that, it's so freaking obvious. Or um… he trails off.

I mean. He says, his face slightly red. I think love comes to Sora more easily than for us. He doesn't even have to think about it.

That's what makes him special they say together. And laugh.

Riku tilts his handsome face up to the ceiling.

But that's probably what's going to fuck me up in the long run… he sighs, again. It has to end…

No it doesn't. Not if you don't want it to, she objects.

Kairi feels defensive; it's true, Sora's far more forgiving than she is. Distance, drift, jealousy or nature- those things do not matter to Sora. Because he does not let something as burdensome as common sense get in the way of what really mattered to him, which was simple peace and paradise between the two people that he cared about the most. It was sweet to her. But to Riku, it must have been delusional.

Yes it does. You know what Kairi? This going to sound bad but I don't think your opinion of me can get any lower than it's already sunk, so I'm going to say it anyways. Riku grins in that infuriatingly caustically optimistic way of his. If it's going to end… I want it to be on my terms.

What do you mean? Kairi knows this can't be leading to anything good, but well, what exactly about the whole thing was very good anyways?

I mean. He says, smiling. Sora's going to know first that I fucked him over. That I ended it. And then if he fucks me over back… I'm the bad guy, I deserve it.

Oh shut up Riku. Kairi's annoyed now. You could be sad and she'd understand. You could be rejected and she'd sympathize. But no self-destruction. No crashing and burning and then laughing all the way while in flames.

Sora would never… um… 'fuck you over.' He cares about you, he'd put himself on the line for you if he had to!

Oh I know. Which is why I'm counting on it to all work out pretty good. He laughs. Forget it Kairi, you'd better stay out of it. It'd be the best thing you could do for yourself.

I won't let you! Whatever you're going to do, I won't let you! She shouts at him.

So you feel this is going to screw you over too, huh? You're willing to hurt yourself when I just said you could avoid it? Because you care so much about Sora you don't give a fuck that it's really just between me and him? Riku isn't very much upset when he says those words. He's just looking at as plain as plain could be when he unexpectedly sticks his tongue out at her.

You deserve it. You fucked me up first.

Riku, you are such an ass! She explodes. She stands up and her hands are in fists.

Stop yelling.

I'M NOT YELLING! She yells, disgusted with herself because it is so obvious she's yelling.

Riku choking on his laughter now, holding his side. He is such an ass. That's the only thing she can grasp in how insanity has pinned them both down in a tiny little cove with baby graffiti and words on Sora and love and like and being fucked over.

Looks like I fucked you up too… Lighten up Kairi, just saying you know? Since when does what I say mean anything?

He stands and stretches, his chest muscles tight against his shirt.

By the way… I know it doesn't count for shit, but… I love Sora too. And I love you.

He turns and smiles, and there's something about the old Riku and new Riku combined in that over-the shoulder sunniness

Don't worry he says, holding out a hand again-not in a like-you kinda way, or I wish it were a like-you kind of way, even. He just wants to lead her out of the cave.

I don't WANT something to happen. I'll try to no do anything… Is that fair, Kairi?

Ok. Maybe Riku's a little cute too.

Yeah, thanks… she says, smiling wanly as she takes his hand and lets him pull her out into the sunlight. They both scream when the freezing water of the waterfall hits their backs.

Riku. Kairi grins as they both splash noisily through the little pool, wetting each other by smacking the water's surface with their heavy shoes. They shriek when they get each other in the face.

Riku throws his head back to get rid of the water in his silvery hair, which catches the light in bright threads… only to shake his head side to side to spray Kairi like a dog.

Riku, yuck!

But Riku doesn't reply, he's looking around suspiciously.

Hey Riku, what's up?

Riku has very good hearing.

Do you hear someone crying…? He asks her. Kairi shakes her head mutely. Come on! He shouts, dragging her through the pool onto the sun-drenched beaches.

Someone was crying. Kairi pants, out of breath because she has a hard time keeping up with Riku's longer legs. Her eyes dart in all directions to see who is crying as the sound of it becomes louder.

Riku stops short and she bangs into him.

Ouch!

Sorry!

Selphie's the one who's crying, and she's all wet, from her curly chestnut hair to her pretty canary yellow sundress. Dry-eyed and dry-clothed, Tidus and Sora hover over her as she sits limply in the sand, rubbing her eyes with her fists. Tidus is glaring at Sora and Sora is apologizing profusely. There's a trail of darker sand coming in from the shore, as if something has been dragged from the tides onto land. The trail ends at Selphie's bottom.

Oi Sora, your mom let you already? Riku calls, completely ignoring the situation at hand even though he'd been the one to freak out to find the person in distress.

Sora looks up and waves, although a bit occupied with trying to pat Selphie on the back with his other hand, but she throws it away.

She wanted me to talk to you! He calls back.

Who, Selphie?

No, my mom! Weren't we just talking about her?

Riku you moron, stop yelling back and forth with Sora. Kairi mutters to him. It's insensitive.

What? Riku whispers back. I hit him in the head today, I wanna know what's going on!

Find out what's going on right now, you idiot!

Oh, right.

They both walk up to Tidus, Selphie, and Sora, and Selphie's taking giant gulps of air. Tidus is already yelling at Sora.

You three are messed up, you know that? Isn't that enough! Do you have to involve the rest of us in your sick problems!

Hey, Tidus-Riku begins to drawl sarcastically. Kairi has to hide her mouth with her hand. It's just funny, she can't help it. She feels like everyone's a whole week behind the two of them just because they spent what must have been only an hour in that cave.

No! Just leave us the hell out of it from now on! We're not going to bother with you freaks until you fix this thing, got it! Tidus huffs, extending his arms out to Selphie.

C'mon Selphie. He says to her, using a considerably nicer tone. I'll carry you home, alright?

But she's looking at Riku and Kairi, still sobbing, but her eyes wide with shock. Too late, Kairi realizes she's still holding Riku's hand from when he dragged her into investigating the case of the mysterious crying. She causally slips it out of his and he never even notices. In fact, he crosses him arms to give Tidus a very cold look of disregard.

Tidus kneels down slides her around his back and picks her up, carrying her piggyback. As he trudges grimly past the two of them, Riku throws up his hands in exasperation and walks over to Sora, but Kairi twists around to face Selphie, who has never broke eye contact with her since she came into the open.

I just asked if Sora liked you. Selphie hisses nastily at her from Tidu's shoulder, low enough that Tidus probably can't hear. And you being off with Riku when Sora's hurt…

Tidus is still moving so she falls sullenly silent, but she glares at Kairi all the same. Kairi is blank, at a loss for what to do. She gives a quick look over at the boys. Riku's cautiously inspecting the patch of white cotton over Sora's eyes with his fingertips. That can't look very good to Selphie, because she'll think Kairi's looking at Riku.

But suddenly she feels inspired.

She tucks a strand of her pretty pink hair behind her ear smoothly.

Sorry. She intones, narrowing her eyes and mouth into a smirk. But you deserved it.

Selphie's mouth drops open and she looks ready to bawl or scream all over again, but then Tidus turns to get to her house and carries her right out of sight.

Kairi crosses over and settles herself by the boys, who have sat down on the sand. She can apologize for real when she feels like being nice to Selphie.

So. She says, looking at Sora. He has a patch over his damaged eye but large blue eye that's left can do enough shining for the both of them. What was that about? She asks.

Sora's got his trademark pout going.

Selphie's nice, but she was being nosy and asking me stuff-

Kairi's heart skips a beat.

-And then she started poking me, which really bugged me so I pushed her and she fell into the water.

And it settles back into a steady rhythm.

That's all? She asks. Riku leans over and murmurs in her ear: He's just like a five-year old.

She bursts out laughing.

She was bugging me! Sora says defensively.

Calming down, what Tidus said really dawns on Kairi.

So is everyone else going to avoid us now? Kairi frets.

Fine with me. Riku says, smiling. He rolls his eyes. I'm sure they'll get over it, but who wants to hang out with someone who cries that easily anyways?

Sora starts to smile slyly. Hey, Riku, you're not one to talk about crying easily. Remember when…

The smile vanishes from Riku's face and he goes beet red.

Don't you dare, Sora. I'll kill you. I will seriously get up and strangle you until you're dead.

Riku cried? Kairi asks, intrigued. She's never seen him cry. Not even when they were little kids.

What, you'd attack the injured? Aren't you honorable. Sora mocks Riku. Anyways, Kairi, when me and Riku were little…

Dammit Sora! Riku lunges at Sora and tries to clap a hand over his mouth. Sora may not be as strong as Riku but he's not weak either and he manages to keep his lips moving, but quickly so he can get the entire story out.

We'd-just-met-and-we-were-like-four-and-I-thought-Riku-was-a girl-cuz-of-his-hair-but-the-other-guys-knew-he-was-a boy-so-they-thought-it'd-be-funny-to-dare-me-to-ki-

Shut up shut up shut up! Riku cuts him off. Riku's face looks like its on fire and he shoves Sora's face into the sand.

Ouch, Riku, you're getting sand in my eye! Sora whimpers. Riku immediately lets go.

Psyche! Sora yells, grinning and shoots out of Riku's reach.

OH SORA YOU DIDN'T! Kairi shrieks with laughter as she rolls over on her side, hysterical.

Riku beat me up real good for it too! Sora continues, dodging a grab from said friend. But when he was done he just sat down and cried and cried and our moms made us apologize to each other but when they found out what happened they laughed and said we were completely even and they became such good friends that Riku finally shared some of his toys with me when me and my mom were over at their house and we decided to be best friends! The end!

Sora…you…suck… SO BAD! Riku stops trying to make an attempt on Sora's life and buries his head in his hands in shame.

Aw come on, I'm not embarrassed, why should you be? Sora says, grinning his grin that they all like so much. No one else knows, the guys weren't watching when I did it!

I didn't want Kairi to know!

Sora points to Kairi, who's wiping tears of mirth.

I don't think she's going to think any less of you. He smiles.

Yeah. Sora is just like a five-year-old. That's what's so great about him. It's not sad at all. And if it's funny, that's fine. But for now it is what it is. Kairi sits up, her sides aching.

Oh c'mon Riku. She's our best friend too.

Yes. She was, Kairi thinks.

Riku's glaring, though. Before her he insists. You'd never even think about telling anyone else.

Well yeah. Cuz I'm scared you'll beat me up. But you wouldn't if it was Kairi.

No… I wouldn't.

Riku looks both of them over with a very sheepish, but somehow slightly pleased? expression. His eyes really uncommonly beautiful, if a bit dangerous, Kairi thinks. Oh well, they're the color of seawater. Beautiful and scary, that's the perfect metaphor for the ocean or the unknown, and it's nice that it fits Riku too.

Meanwhile with just the one left over, Soras' all the blue of skies and dreams and shadows and everything that's pleasant but hard to grasp but that's why you like it.

She reaches out and takes one of their hands in each of her own.

Hey, what're you doing?

Oh, I dunno…

That's right, she really doesn't know.

But she's starting to feel that that's OK.

A/N: Warning! This note will be long!

Ok welcome to the end. I hope everyone's figured out by now that this fic draws a lot from a real life, so don't be too harsh on the characters, no matter how creepy or annoying they are. Because they're supposed to be exactly like real people, and the things that Kairi think…If you're a girl, thoughts like that have run through your mind or will. It's tough having to go through all this growing up stuff without worrying yourself half to death in the process. She needed to grow up and that was what Riku was for, but she needed to save what childhood she could, and that was what Sora was for. They're both a part of her that are equal parts pain and happiness so that's why it didn't turn out to be a romance. They're more important to her than that. :-)

And Riku really isn't a smarmy demi-god and Kairi really isn't a shooting star inspiring light… It was all from one viewpoint so what was said only reflected one person's understanding of the situation. Kinda tricky, but fun, to write. This fic, besides being a kinda-drama, is sort of an explanation of what happened to Riku. My friend and I talked about it once and we came to conclusion that, while Sora and Kairi are definitely very nice people, they are largely at fault for a lot of Riku's problems. Not on purpose necessarily but if you're the black sheep it's either stray from the flock or feel like you're about to be chased off. And Riku's the type to go off by himself if he thinks he needs to.

Sorry for how long the conclusion ended up being, and again apologies for how hard the lack of quotations made everything… It was an experiment, don't think I'll do that again. The technique was starting to grind on me by the fifth chapter… and the chapters by the way, are each a noun and a verb. And this would officially be the longest thing I ever posted. Thanks for reading and I'll be back later…


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